20 Lessons We've Learned In 2 Years Of Marriage

lessons learned in marriage

Today is my wedding anniversary!  I can not believe it's already been two years since I had the opportunity to marry the man of my dreams.  These two years have completely flown by and I have enjoyed the journey.  In these past two years, my husband, Aaron, and I have learned so much about each other and about marriage.  We're only two years in, so we have so much more to learn but we thought we'd share what we've learned thus far.  I brought him along on this post to share some of things he has learned as well.  

Make sure to check out our wedding trailer at the end of the post!  

What Destiney has learned...

1.)  Marriage exposes you. 

-Marriage has exposed the best of me and the worst of me.  Marriage has a way of taking your flaws and putting them right in your face.  Yet, flaws and all, Aaron still loves me even when it's hard and I don't deserve it.  And God has given me the ability to show Aaron that same grace by loving him even when he's undeserving.

2.)  Clear communication will help prevent arguments and disagreements.

-Without proper and clear communication, your relationship will suffer.  Whether it's as important as communicating how I feel about a situation or as simple as what I'd like to eat for dinner, I've learned to do my best to clearly communicate with Aaron.  Unfortunately, he can't read my mind even though I assume he can sometimes.

3.)  Actually being friends with the person you're married to will go a long way.

-People don't say "marry your best friend" for nothing.  They really mean it.  I mean, even if your spouse isn't your "best" friend, please make sure they are at least a friend.  You live with this person and your lives are intertwined so you might want to be friends. Also, it's hard to stay mad at your best friend for too long.

4.)  Don't compare your marriage to others.

-Our marriage is our marriage and other people's marriage is other people's marriage.  Comparing our marriage to the #relationshipgoals we see on Instagram will leave us feeling inadequate.  You never know what's really going on behind those closed doors.

5.)  Sometimes you have to just deal with snoring.

-Yep. It's unfortunate, but true.  But do understand, when it's too bad, I will wake him up haha.  If I can't sleep, you can't either!

6.)  Give yourself a break.

-Being a wife can be overwhelming at times.  I've learned not to be too hard on myself, to give myself a break, and cut myself some slack.  I'm still learning everyday how to be a better wife than the day before. 

7.)  You're different people and that's ok.

-Sometimes it's hard to accept that you think and respond differently, clean differently lol, etc.  But I've learned that the things that make Aaron different from me are what I love most about him.  It's like we compliment each other and balance each other, which helps me to celebrate our differences instead of fighting them.

8.)  Let your spouse love you and be there for you.

-It can be hard sometimes letting your spouse know when you are feeling down or lonely, etc.  I have learned to let my guard down and let my husband be there for me when I need him most.  I have had to put pride aside so that he can love me the way I needed to be loved.

9.)  Pray with and for each other.

-You know the saying, a family that prays together, stays together.  Yep, prayer is super important.  It has brought us together on decisions we needed to make, goals we've set for ourselves personally and collectively, and difficult times.  Praying for each other separately and collectively has been one of the most important things we've done in these two years.

10.)  Marriage is worth it!

-Every up, down, and sacrifice thus far in marriage has been worth it.  Our good married days out way our bad married days.  There's no better blessing than to love and be loved.  I'm grateful everyday that I have the opportunity to love Aaron.  

lessons learned in marriage

What Aaron has learned...

1. Not 50-50

-I've often heard that marriage is a 50/50 compromise, but in reality, it does not work that way.  Marriage calls for 100% effort by both people.  Your motivation for loving your spouse should not be based on how well your spouse is currently loving you.  When love is unconditional, each spouse's responsibility is independent of what the other one does.

2. Keep What's Personal, Personal.

-The less people that you allow into your marriage the better. Destiney and I had to develop clear boundaries as to what aspects of our personal life we were willing to share with other people.  This includes parents, friends, and extended family. 

3. TWO can live cheaper than ONE.

- Bigger than any budget or financial plan, Destiney and I had to develop our own philosophy of money.  A philosophy of money is your view of what role money will play in your life.  Once we came to terms with the role that money would have in our marriage it made budgeting and long-term financial planning much easier. 

4. Separate Cars will save a marriage!

-She is going to be late, and I'm ok with it!  We are ok with taking separate cars, if necessary.  It works for us and keeps the peace!

5. Seek to understand before you seek to be understood

- Disagreements are an inevitable reality of any relationship, and marriage is no exception.  I have come to realize that the resolution to most of our problems were discovered by listening, not speaking.  I have learned to listen to understand and speak to serve. 

6. Be intentional!

-Healthy marriages are not happenstance.  It takes an intentional investment in your marriage in order to live "Happily ever after".  Date nights and times of prayer have become non-negotiables in the Moore household. 

7. It's Bigger than Us

- I believe that one of the greatest Christian witnesses in today's society is a healthy Christ centered Marriage.  Destiney and I decided before we were married that our ultimate goal in marriage would be to glorify God.  With that being said, our marriage is far bigger than our last name.  It's about the Name above all Names!

8. Practice what you preach

-In these past two years of marriage I have come to discover that I have several blind spots in my life.  Destiney has been there to lovingly point out those blind spots and help me improve in my weaknesses.  My wife has become my primary accountability partner, and we often remind each other to practice what we preach. 

9. Celebrate her publicly  

-  You guys already know this, but I married an amazing woman.  It's always a good thing to let others know how great your spouse is.  This is not a replacement for demonstrating your love through selfless acts of service or consistently supporting them. But as often as I can, I try to celebrate Destiney publicly.

10. Best decision I've ever made  

- I married my best friend!  Although marriage is hard work, I could not have made a better decision.  It is an honor and a joy to call Destiney my wife, and an even greater privilege to love her.  These past two years have been amazing! 

Hope you all have enjoyed reading what we've learned!  Marriage is hard work and it's no fairytale, but two people willing to make it work, can make it work.  Leave your comments below.  We'd love to read them!  Also, check out our wedding trailer below.  Excuse my tears.  I just really meant what I said lol.

Love, peace, and sole!

Destiney